Help Wanted
Vilmar sent me this the other day:
OK, for those outside New Zealand, I'll need to clue you in on a few things. Ponsonby is a yuppie district in Auckland about 5-10 minutes (traffic depending) from the city center, full of upscale, European wannabe coffee houses, overpriced cafes and restaurants serving underportioned meals (you know, where the "presentation" is excellent, but there's more empty plate than food to cover it), and, of course - LIBERALS. Lots of 'em. That's why I don't go there often.
There are also lots of "niche" places, and this "Murder Burger" looks like an attempt to be another one. They appear to be trying to use the same controversial "shock and awe" marketing tactic used by the now very well established nationwide Kiwi pizza franchise, Hell Pizza. Hell makes a damn good pie and is second only to Dominos in that segment of market share. Hell is doing so well that Pizza Hut, like Starbucks, may soon be extinct on the New Zealand food and beverage landscape.
You may be wondering, "What the hell is 'P'?" "P" is what they call crystal meth down here. Don't ask me why; I have heard several explanations saying that it stands for "pure" (yeah, like pure battery acid) to "phosphorous". Doesn't really matter. Meth heads or (as we call them in the States) "tweakers" suck.
Now, the ad itself. I'll overlook the redundancy in the header. Looking for "Arts, Architecture, and Humanities students." Hmmm, liberals? Also looking for "student nurses and student teachers" because as Geordie, the apparent proprietor (or at least the one in charge of hiring staff) has dated them in the past and found them not only "awesome" but "more awesome" than he (she?) - so much so that the relationships failed. Hey, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again, right? You have to admire the tenacity. With that kind of perseverance, Murder Burger just might make it - or at least Geordie might get laid.
As for not wanting "politics students" because "we just don't understand you" that could go either way. Conservative thought may be so foreign to them that it defies all comprehension. Liberal thought might do the same because the liberal arts types are perhaps more of the feeeeling type - any mention of Marx and questions about Groucho and Harpo are raised.
Regarding the cat in the photo, all I can say is that I'm a cat person (which, according to Michael Laws, means I am gay), so I hope they don't actually plan on serving cat meat. I realize that the Free Trade Agreement with China goes into effect soon, but, again, I hope that the acceptance of cat meat isn't one of the residual "benefits" we have to look forward to. Fur burgers have their place; just not on a food menu.
Anyway, if Geordie or anybody else from Murder Burger reads this, please don't take it personally; no malice is intended. It's called satire, and I'm just having a go at the ad. Besides, if you make a good burger, I'll stop by on the way home from my office in the other yuppie district, Newmarket.
I truly wish them luck because I am a "buy New Zealand made" kind of person, and I'll pay a little more for it (as opposed to the cheap garbage that comes from Asia).
OK, for those outside New Zealand, I'll need to clue you in on a few things. Ponsonby is a yuppie district in Auckland about 5-10 minutes (traffic depending) from the city center, full of upscale, European wannabe coffee houses, overpriced cafes and restaurants serving underportioned meals (you know, where the "presentation" is excellent, but there's more empty plate than food to cover it), and, of course - LIBERALS. Lots of 'em. That's why I don't go there often.
There are also lots of "niche" places, and this "Murder Burger" looks like an attempt to be another one. They appear to be trying to use the same controversial "shock and awe" marketing tactic used by the now very well established nationwide Kiwi pizza franchise, Hell Pizza. Hell makes a damn good pie and is second only to Dominos in that segment of market share. Hell is doing so well that Pizza Hut, like Starbucks, may soon be extinct on the New Zealand food and beverage landscape.
You may be wondering, "What the hell is 'P'?" "P" is what they call crystal meth down here. Don't ask me why; I have heard several explanations saying that it stands for "pure" (yeah, like pure battery acid) to "phosphorous". Doesn't really matter. Meth heads or (as we call them in the States) "tweakers" suck.
Now, the ad itself. I'll overlook the redundancy in the header. Looking for "Arts, Architecture, and Humanities students." Hmmm, liberals? Also looking for "student nurses and student teachers" because as Geordie, the apparent proprietor (or at least the one in charge of hiring staff) has dated them in the past and found them not only "awesome" but "more awesome" than he (she?) - so much so that the relationships failed. Hey, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again, right? You have to admire the tenacity. With that kind of perseverance, Murder Burger just might make it - or at least Geordie might get laid.
As for not wanting "politics students" because "we just don't understand you" that could go either way. Conservative thought may be so foreign to them that it defies all comprehension. Liberal thought might do the same because the liberal arts types are perhaps more of the feeeeling type - any mention of Marx and questions about Groucho and Harpo are raised.
Regarding the cat in the photo, all I can say is that I'm a cat person (which, according to Michael Laws, means I am gay), so I hope they don't actually plan on serving cat meat. I realize that the Free Trade Agreement with China goes into effect soon, but, again, I hope that the acceptance of cat meat isn't one of the residual "benefits" we have to look forward to. Fur burgers have their place; just not on a food menu.
Anyway, if Geordie or anybody else from Murder Burger reads this, please don't take it personally; no malice is intended. It's called satire, and I'm just having a go at the ad. Besides, if you make a good burger, I'll stop by on the way home from my office in the other yuppie district, Newmarket.
I truly wish them luck because I am a "buy New Zealand made" kind of person, and I'll pay a little more for it (as opposed to the cheap garbage that comes from Asia).
Labels: Entertainment and Diversion, Humor, New Zealand News
posted by Joe Ramen at 9:01 PM
7 Comments:
Looks like the whole world as gone to hell in a fast food franchise!
Wow--Dominos, Pizza Hut--whatelse? (Curious).
The only good pizza is homemade by someone who knows what they're doing!
My Italian grandmother's was the best!
I use to hang out at one of the FIRST drive-ins in the San Jose (CA)---It was a round orange building--called Mark's--had the best hotdogs around--and it is still in business.
Then of course, HOW MANY TV SHOWS D O N O T have either a restaurant
or a bar for "social" meeting of the characters.
Did I just get on a rant?
I LOVE YOUR BLOG. First off I'd like to thank you for your service and keeping me safe. Second, I would like to ask for any advice or help. I just started my own blog, please feel free to check it out. I am trying to recruit readers, not quite sure how word spreads around here, I suppose like this. I am just curious of how you put in links to your post and import pictures etc. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I don't even know how to directly contact a poster thats' why I did it this way. Like I said I'm knew. Hope to hear from you and thanks again for protecting those who can't protect themselves. God Bless
Thanks, Drew. I'm glad you like the blog. I'll help you any way I can with posting pictures, links, etc. Just send me an email - the address is on the right in the sidebar, just above the album of the week. Simply replace the "at" with "@" and the "dot" with "." and you're there.
I checked out your blog and you've got some good stuff. Keep it up, mate! It's good to see the younger generation isn't all a bunch of head-up-their-ass liberals. Funny thing is that I used to be a lefty until I was about your age when the realities of the real world brought me around. That, and joining the Marines and doing a tour in Somalia.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Come back often, and tell your friends!
DREW from BMEWS?
Thanks for offering your help, I will be getting in touch with you for sure. Take care
DREW from BMEWS?
OCM, no it's not Drew from BMEWS. He's a young anti-Marxist crusader just starting out in blogging. His blog is called The Truth. Click his avatar and check him out.
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